What your Personal Trainer is Really Thinking

Ever wonder what your typical personal trainer thinks of you? Here's an internal dialogue of a well known personal trainer that shall remain anonymous. She told me this in confidence that she would remain anonymous. The internal dialogue is in bold. Please note: I have no internal dialogue and this does not reflect any conversation I've had with any of my clients. This is strictly for amusement.

The Diet

Trainer: Hi Cathy! Here is your new diet. It's 1600 calories and you can start on Monday. I've given you a variety of foods to eat and after 4 weeks, we'll chat about your progress and adjust the diet accordingly.

Cathy: Thanks Trainer. The diet seems really bland. I don't think I could eat that. What's a rice cake ?

Trainer: It will seem bland at first because your cutting out most of your processed foods, sugars and saturated fats.

That's why your fat ass is big to begin with. Good tasting food is man made

Cathy: Ok, I'll give it a try, but I don't know.... :-(

Trainer: Just take baby steps and forget all that you ever knew about food.

Cathy: Thanks!

Next Morning, the Trainer gets a voice message.

Cathy: I just can't eat those ___________ (fill in the blank), I can't swallow them. I tried putting extra salt on them, sweetner, mixing them into my other meals, but I just can't eat them.
I don't like this diet. Call me back asap.

Trainer checks voice mail and prepares to call back Cathy.

Trainer: Hello Cathy, I got your voice mail and wanted to address the problem that your having with your diet.

Cathy: Thanks for calling. It's been 1 day and I can't do this diet.

Trainer: Dieting is 100% mental. You need to get your mind ready for these changes. You need to start accepting these changes. Why don't you spend a day in Ethiopia, maybe then you would appreciate the food on your diet, you fat pig.

Cathy: I think I am ready, but I just can't eat __________ (fill in the blank), it makes me sick.

Trainer: That's horse shit. Your body is not use to eating ____________ (fill in the blank), so it's basically shocked that your fat ass is going to be getting less calories, no sugar or saturated fats.

Cathy: Can I not eat __________ (fill in the blanks)?

Trainer: Well, if you want to stop your fat loss and start losing muscle, you can skip it. However, that defeats the whole purpose.

Cathy: Ok, I'll keep trying

Trainer: Wow, some effort will always help. Good for you. The more effort you put into this mentally, the faster you will see the results.

Stumble It!